Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish

If nothing else, Ihlrath, you deserve remembrance.

I think I’m the only one whose not surprised you up and died, though - or at least, not surprised you up and died so soon.  But you were always the self-sacrificing type, the warrior, the protector, the leader, the therapist - all those things.

And we all know how their stories end up, right buddy?  They get killed.

And you know what, in your case it is pretty fucking tragic, I’ll admit.  But it’s not due to any of the circumstances really, or any sort of particular qualities that you had.  It’s tragic because you, like many Jedi, died before you could ever be Human.

If I were asked to give a Eulogy, being that we were friends for a time (and I still considered you one until your death, though we might’ve  been estranged), then I would say that you were a great Jedi, a great Warrior, and a caring individual.

But you were not a great man.

For as long as I knew you, Ihlrath, you had always tried to play both sides of the fence.  You were a Jedi, and a damned good one at that, and I think you loved your job and everything about it.  You took comfort in your identified role, and of your efficiency in executing it.  Even when things went bad, even when you were cutting a swath through dozens of soldiers who were no more evil than me or mine, just doing their jobs too, you loved it.

But while you loved your chosen roles, you tried to sneak away from them, hide under technicality and half-truths as you courted Alasha, Niatara, Vyen’a, and a host of others as you attempted to work through emotions that you probably had never dealt with before.  As a man, you were a child, being exposed to a much larger and more complex galaxy than the order had ever prepared you for.  And at once you were curious and afraid, I think.  You could never embrace your humanity - not fully - and people like Alasha paid the price for it.  Her heart had to subsist on hopes, half-truths, and technicalities, because you couldn’t fully embrace the largest part of you - your humanity.

That isn’t to say you weren’t a good person, or a good Jedi, or a decent individual altogether, but Ihlrath, your sole failing in life is that you were not a good man, and your death is tragic because you no longer have the chance to ever become one.  You would’ve loved it.  You would’ve cast aside everything for it in a heartbeat, had you been less afraid to give it a chance.

But you clung to your role as a Jedi even when your actions directly conflicted with that.  You rejected the full embracing of your humanity and true “control” over your emotions out of the typical Jedi arrogance and fear.  You thought you were above humanity and ultimately above the Jedi, too.  You fought for your convictions as hard as any individual could - if not harder, and you were a caring individual unto your friends and allies.  And that is why your death is not a surprise.

So goodbye, Master Ihlrath.  You were a warrior, and died a warrior’s death.  You were a tragic individual, and died a tragic death.  Your gravestone will contain your name, your dates of birth and death, and the conflict in which you died.  That is all a soldier can expect, and all a soldier will get.  I hope it’s enough for you.

Haha, wow.

Okay.  So.  This has been the best week of my goddamn life.

Me and Nea went on that vacation.  It was fucking great.

We went down to Nar Shaddaa.  Not the place I usually see, but the place where she grew up after the whole crash dealie and I got to meet some of the people she worked with, who knew her from her street-fighting days.

Goddamn there are some good people there.  I’m happy they found her.  They took good care of her.

Anyway then Nea took me to a very- private place for her, she said she hadn’t really gone back in a long time and it meant a lot- it meant more than a lot that she brought me there and why am I using dashes and shit like I’m talking I am writing this is dumb I should just erase that crap.  Oh I’m using a pen fuck.

Anywya Anyway so we had our moment.  I don’t really wanna record it all here cause it was private but we had our moment, and then we went and Nea got us a room at those big-as-fuck floating casinos.  The real high-class ones.  Someone on the inside owed her a favor and it was great.

We did a lot of stuff in that room, but not a lot of gambling.  I’m not sure that’s good for business.

So we spent a few days just with each other, we went and saw the sites but mostly we just talked and held one another and joked and laughed and smiled and kissed and ate and drank and had a lot of fun.

I gave her my dogtags.  I’ll get new ones.

We spent a lot of time sad too, cause we both know the shitstorm we’re both about to step into once I go.  We can face anything together, we both know that, but apart?  Well that’s gonna be the real test of our commitment to one another.  And I know commitment.  I can handle it, I think she can handle it too, but we won’t know until it happens, and that’s the scary part.

On to better memories though, Zentoyo decided to be way too fucking nice to me and organized a going-away party for my redeployment.  That was way too kind of her.  Like legit, I almost teared up when I got the e-mail.  She’s such a good friend, and always has been one.  I didn’t even mention her in this thing.  That makes me feel bad for some reason.

But anyway she threw me a party, and a lotta guys I knew and plenty I didn’t or only sorta knew were there and everyone had a real good time and it was all super buenotasticbonne.  And of course Z being Z went the extra mile and somehow got into contact with Nea and convinced her to dance for me.  That alone would’ve made my jaw drop, but then she got Nea a slave outfit.

Holy FUCK I have the most beautiful girl in the world galaxy.

And hoenstyl honestly the fact she’d even wear that for me - hell the fact she’d just dance in public for me - hell the fact she did either of those things alone would floor me, but she did BOTH.  My god.

We are way too in love here, it is not good for our health.

But the rest of the party was good.  Even some 7th made it to Nar Shaddaa to see me off.  That was real nice of ‘em.

I love those guys, really I do.  I’m proud of them.  I think they can handle it on their own.  They’ll still be here when I get back.

That leaves me a lot more comfortable than I’ve ever been.

God I normally don’t misspell anything but I misspelled three things already wow.

Anyway I’m really tired because Nea and I have been waking up and going back to sleep and waking up and going back to sleep and absolutely nothing else in between for the past several hours on the much-longer-than-necessary-because-fuck-you trip back to Voss.

I’m gonna say my goodbyes to Vy, then leave Nea with my tags, some holos, and anything else she wants.

And when I get back I’m gonna live up to every single promise I made her.

I love this woman so much.

Je ne sais pas

Well the visions have been letting up lately.  So that’s good I guess.


Where to start?




[\_|_/] <—- Proper Sight Picture.

Okay so, it’s been pretty busy since I got back.  We’ve been doing a lot of patrols.  I think I spoke to Zentoyo once.  Got laid a few times, blah blah blah standard shit.

Oh!  Our buddies in the Marran, which is a more proactive group of Jedi have decided that we deserve some honors due to the aid we lent them on an op a while back.  They’re good people, particularly Masters Ihlrath and Nyomi, and are, in my opinion, quite devoted to the goals of the Republic.  So anyway they want to award us this thingy-bob, and we go down to the ceremony and it’s pretty High Speed and shit.  Master Ihlrath gives a speech, awarding us the Silver Mantle which purportedly hasn’t had a home within the Infantry for some time, and he stated how glad he was for it to find one again.  The entire unit received a custom citation from them, and it’s actually authorized for wear with our uniforms, so it won’t just be ceremonial.  Those of us actually performing the action also received a Blood Stripe.  That was pretty cool.

Master Alyrae is apparently doing better now too, and also trying to get it on with Master Ihlrath.  I’m a bit disappointed but…  Eh, she’s a Jedi, what’d I expect?  Ha.  Anyway I’m just glad she’s doing alright ever since that incident with the Sith and poison.  That was fucked the hell up and scared the shit out of me and…  Is also partly why I have this pile of shit now.  Huh.

7th’s been doing quite well as of late.  We’re expanding and growing further, picked up some good recruits who show good leadership potential, yadda yadda yadda.  HOWEVER, we do have our share of silliness.

PFC Ozakif was on a mounted patrol the other day in Voss’ka, and for some reason decided it was his god-given duty to stop random citizens.  Picked an Imperial Contractor by the name of Ty’nea.  Now, Ty’nea and I knew each other, we’d spoken some in the bar and I met her boyfriend and some gay Rattataki who was hilarious but creepy all at once, so suffice to say I was a liiiittle more miffed than I should have been when it turns out Oz not only stopped a random civilian in Voss’ka where we technically do not have any operational authority, but that that person was also a friend of mine.

So anyway I smoked the shit out of him for almost causing a massive diplomatic incident.  Nea insisted she coulda kicked his ass if she wanted to but I think that’s just bravado.  She’s tough, but I don’t think she could handle 3 soldiers without going for weapons, which woulda been baaaaaad.

Vy and Jerax finally told each other they love each other.  I can’t remember whether that happened before or after the “incident” now but I do remember how glad I was to hear they finally admitted it to one another.  God I love those two like siblings.

Anyway that’s all I got here.  I’m getting some good sleep and I met a nice ‘lek by the name of Tamiya.  All’s well so far.  It won’t stay that way, will enjoy it while it lasts.

[\_|_/] (\_|_/)       |/—/##P==     Bang bang.