I’m feelin’ pretty good, thanks, how about you?

Haha hooooo shit.


____________________-O/#/O - BEEP BEEP

FUCK!  I LOVE life!



SO!  I am far happier than I should be, but why shouldn’t I be?  Everything is fucking perfect.  I’ve got a beautiful, beautiful woman cradled in my arms, I’m writing just above her back- which is on top of me, and we’ve got some nice as shit blankets covering the both of us.

I love this woman so much.

So anyway, the past few days Nea and I’ve been talking some more, after the love incident, and I asked her a few times if she wanted me to stop, in case it scared her or she didn’t want it.  She said it did scare her, but she didn’t want me to stop and- Holy shit.  I think she loves me back.

I mean it’s a bit premature to say but- the thing she did-

Okay I’ll start from the beginning.

So every now and again Nea and I’ll get into a little passionate fit, we’ll start draping our arms over each other, kissing each other, tongue, etceterino, but we’ve never had sex, or anything like that.  She wasn’t ready for it and I wasn’t about to push her into something she didn’t wanna do.


I invited her up as per usual this past day and, well.  She asked to use my “facilities.”  So I just kinda lied back and relaxed, kinda got a bit of snoozing done.  I heard her come out, and when I opened my eyes she was in this tiny little black nightie.

She was fucking gorgeous is what she was.

And you can guess what happened from there journal, not like I’m gonna write that shit out for you.  The doctors’d probably freak out too given this was SUPPOSED to be for those damn hallucinations, but they’ve been letting up recently.

God she’s beautiful.  I wish I could draw as well as she can so I can just capture this image forever.  The blankets are just underneath her shoulderblades, we’re both in the nude still, her hair’s in a big ol’ clump covering most of her back, her head’s on my chest, her arms are around me.

I could stay here forever like this.  She’s got this tiny little smile on her face too, that’s just the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.  I love this woman.

I love this woman so much.

Erryday I’m Derpanin’

Hm, god alive.  How should I write this one?


Well from the beginning I guess.

I told Nea I loved her.

——-//\==///^&sfcholdenjerhal, SFC Holden Jerhal, SFC Holden Jerhal,             SFC HOLDEN JERHAL derpsignatures ——/\^^^~~~^\

She took it well.

I was expecting her to completely freak out and run away or something, but I guess the circumstances dictated otherwise.

So we’ve been seeing each other a lot and talking at least once every day, and it’s been nice as fuck.  Anyway, I go up to her ship once, and we decide we’ll have some dinner.  She goes to grab something, and I start to whip up something decent for us to eat when I realize she hasn’t left her room.  I go and check and she’s looking over a journal of hers.

I back out cause I don’t wanna interfere, but later on somehow the subject comes up again, and she hands me the same journal.  Turns out it’s a sketchbook she uses to sketch these…  Traumatic as shit memories.  There were 4 of em, and…  Hotdamn what’s she even doing with the Sith?  They’re fucking monsters, and she’s the sweetest woman you’ll ever meet.

Fuck it, I don’t even know.  What I do know is that- well we started talking and things got intense, so to speak.  I kinda had a breakdown and so did she and- and I ended up telling her I loved her.

We sorta just held each other after that, and just laid down and comforted one another.  It felt good.  I’ve got someone to lean against, and so does she, and we’ll both be able to keep our balance.

Fuck why is that metaphor so accurate?


So, Nea’s back!  And safe!  Thank God for little victories.

Anyway, we met back up at the “Vossbar” a day or so after the explosion.  She was very upset.  I took her back out to that nice little secluded area and she told me everything that happened, how she finally broke up with the Sith, and I just held her and listened to her.  I was beyond happy she was okay, but she still blamed herself even for the explosion, which confused me as it was in no way her fault.

Goddamnit Nea is too good of a woman to constantly be beating herself up.  Anyway we decided to get drunk and stuff, and we made up a drinking game, so we started that.  Private Dhen-Zaka and Norredi of the Ninth came along and got in on the action, too.  THEN that one Sith came along and-ugh.

MOVING ON!  So afterwards me and Nea got a little upset with one another and I walked off in a drunken huff.  We met up shortly afterwards though, and I apologized to her and she apologized too for some reason.  And I asked her out to dinner and she said yes.

The dinner was great, the conversation better.

I took her out to this place on Nar Shaddaa, and it was pretty damn good.  Turns out we both speak this ancient, dead language, too!

Goddamn the way she spoke it though.  Her voice is so beautiful.

So we ate, and we talked, and we shared some of our pasts again and then we went for a walk.  We talked about so many things and it was just so easy.  It’s always easy with her.  It was probably one of the best nights I’ve had.

And then we went outside and she showed me some things the locals knew.  She showed me where her first apartment was after the accident, about this hidden hangar, and some other stuff and…  I just kissed her there, again, with all that passion I had before.  God, maybe I am falling for her.

Scratch that I probably am falling for her.

Soon after that we had to go, much as we both hated to.  So I called her a morning or so later just to hear her voice, and we ended up talking for a while.  Then she invited me up for some coffee.  We spent a small amount of time together, she showed me her ship, and- and I kissed her again and it was great.  Until I had to leave moments afterwards of course.  That sucked.

I called her again that night, and we spoke some more and I told her how much I’d been missing her lately.  And she invited me up again, and we just cuddled up underneath a huge blanket and counted the stars.  God I’m so happy to have her.

I’m speaking in that Dead Language way too often.

Quelle Heure Est?

So my writing’s been kind of shitty lately and I can’t really bring myself to care.  I’m so tired lately - especially after today.

So I spoke with Vy again.  She and I had spoken earlier about various shit that was going on and she’s all concerned about the shit with Nea.  She thinks I’m all freaked out due to the Dear John and I’m just grabbing for any sort of straw there is but.  It’s not like that.  I told her I’d be okay if she went back to her boyfriend, I kind of expect it.  I shared something with her though that was extremely special to me and I’m happy to have simply had that moment.  Whatever happens, I’ll be there for her, at the least.

Goddamn I sound like a hippy.

Anyway, so she told me I was in love with her and- I dunno about that, that’s a bit fucking much for having only known someone for a few days but- Jeez man, it was some pretty heavy shit.

So anyway a few days after that she and Jerax both decided to talk about me and just fucking tried to talk me out of it.  Apparently they both think I’m a moron and are completely overreacting to the unloaded-weapon-under-my-chin thing.  They thought that was some serious shit or something and I call BS and just god.

I’m so fucking tired.

Then I get a call from Nea, a short one, just thanking me for everything before she hung up.  I hope she’ll be okay.

THEN I get a comm from Vy.  Apparently there was an explosion in a hangar on the Imp Fleet.  I dunno how she get access to this intel, but it was a live feed or something, and she was listening in.  Two Males, One Female, one DOA, One Heavily wounded, and one got off with a broken finger and not much else.  I’m hoping Nea is the final one and she’ll be okay.

Worst breakup ever, though, if that’s how it came about.

God I need sleep.